Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
