I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize