the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
