smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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