i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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