hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
