Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize