theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize