My nipple is on Facebook.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
