You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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