Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
