You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
