I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
