how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
