Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
