So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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