she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
