my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
