Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
