We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
