R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize