Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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