You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
