U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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