The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
