i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
