yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
