All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize