I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
