and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
