I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
