Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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