Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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