Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
