Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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