i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
