it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
