Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize