woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
