chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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