Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He kissed a someone with a penis
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
