Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize