i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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