I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
