i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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