he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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