This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
