also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
