Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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