he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize