You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
