I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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