I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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