Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My feet surprised me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
