I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
