My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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