I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
