She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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