please come you make the beer taste better
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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