im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
