It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
