OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
