I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
