please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
