I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
