Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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