I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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