I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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