It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I look better un-naked...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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