I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
