I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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