Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
