That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
