That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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