Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
