ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
