no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
